I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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