proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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