her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
