I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
