im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
