We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
