You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
