that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
