rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
