Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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