im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
