Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
