Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
