He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
