I've blown a few things in my day
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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