Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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