I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
