I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
