I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
