Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
