I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
