doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
