i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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