One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
