Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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