we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize