a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
