I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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