No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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