What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
