saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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