you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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