I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
