he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
