I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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