saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
