man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's always time for handjobs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
