The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
