And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
