my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's the barista slut.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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