She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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