Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
