All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
