i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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