Fuck appropriateness.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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