So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
