finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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