her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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