I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
