I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i think my cat just said my name.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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