Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
do nipples grow back?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
