Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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