i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
