I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
