I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
