It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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