I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize