i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
