I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
