So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize