yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
