guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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