like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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