My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
