I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize