Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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